Permission

Back in college I had the most incredible literature professor.  I trudged through the snow in the middle of winter every Wednesday to take a 3-hour night class on 20th Century American Literature - just because she was teaching it.  I sat through an entire semester of British Romantic Poets even though I had no interest in British Romantic Poets.  She was just amazing.

I think about her every once in a while.  I wonder what she's doing, what she's reading, what she thinks about the latest world events.  Well, today I remember something she once said.  It wasn't one of her more profound statements.  In fact, she sort of said it in passing.  But it resonated with me then, 16 years ago, and continues to speak to me today.  Here's the gist of it:  

There will be things in your life that you excel at, do them and be excellent.  

There will be other things that you're just okay at, do them and just be average.  

Then there will be things that you love to do that you just don't do well at all.  
Do them anyway.  Do them for love, for fun, for adventure.  Do it just because you can.  

Why has this statement stayed with me over the years?  I think it's because it gives me permission.  Permission to be great.  Permission to be okay.  Permission to suck at something but do it anyway. 

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't want to be better at something. Believe me, I would love to play my guitar better, surf better, do a lot of things better.  The point is - we don't have to be great in order to do what we love.  Give yourself permission to just do.   

Seven months ago I started this blog.  I didn't have the time or energy to make it look pretty. All I had were words - lots of words.  So I thought of a name, began to write my story and voila - here we are.  I've done my best with what I know and I'm glad for that.  I'm glad I didn't wait for the perfect words, the perfect look.  I didn't need to be great. I just needed to write. And I've done that - for 96 posts.

This has been a healing outlet for me.  A place to process, sift and unravel the millions of thoughts and emotions that would otherwise be silenced.  Because sometimes it's easier - to be silent, to not dig, question, proclaim.  I'd rather not talk. I have no words, but those that form, black and white, on my screen.  And little did I know - how much I needed them, these words. They have walked me through my fears, forcing me to stop every now and then - to face them, understand them, put them in their place.  They have allowed my heart to soften, open, connect with old friends, make new ones.  And I have learned, we all have a story to tell.  Words, waiting to be written.  Don't be afraid of them.  Don't wait until they are perfect, eloquent, articulate.  Just write.  Tell.  Begin.  Because your story, my story, just might change somebody else's.

To be continued...
Kim