When Healing Happens

There was a time - not that long ago - when I dreaded the question, "How are you?"  Most of the time, I answered with a polite, "I'm fine, thanks."  But the truth was, while I was doing my best to move forward, find solutions and stay positive, I was also very afraid.  Afraid of the disease getting out control, afraid of the complications and the long list of "what ifs."

But today, when someone asks, "How are you?" I can't help but smile (and get a little teary-eyed).  I can't help but think about where I've been and where I'm going.  For months, I have blogged about my journey.  Many of you have been reading from the beginning, when there was lots of pain and little answers.  You have seen me through the fears, doubts and struggles. You have seen me vulnerable and honest, broken and afraid, resilient and determined. You have seen it all and you have so graciously journeyed with me.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the end of 2011 had me seriously re-evaluating the future. The risks of my treatment plan were outweighing the benefits and it was time for a change of plans.  Little did I know that those change of plans would dramatically change my life.  Since the beginning of 2012, I have been on a nutritional program that has made an incredible difference in my health.  I have been able to cut my medication dosage in half, my blood work has been normal (for the first time in over a year), my inflammation has decreased and the pain has subsided (not only does my husband NOT need to help me out of bed, I am up to 20 minutes on the elliptical).  And get this, I haven't been sick at all in 2012.  Keep in mind, I was the girl who was told she would have to wear a mask on airplanes or crowded places.  My immune system was weak and that resulted in constant sickness, infections and food poisoning.  Today, I am getting stronger - cell by cell - I am healing.  Let me say that again.

I. Am. Healing.

It is so powerful, humbling, liberating to write those words.

The good news doesn't stop there.  My quest for health, wellness and prevention led me to start my own business, Thriving 365.  Yes, from Thrive Out Loud to Thriving 365 I am living and breathing health and hope. I have partnered with Shaklee, the #1 natural nutrition company in the U.S., and am now able to share natural, alternative solutions with others.  I wasn't looking to start a business.  I was simply looking for answers and this is where it led me.  Please click here to visit my website and read my story.

This post has been a long time coming.  Several months ago, during a very dark time, I wrote, "I know something great is on the horizon.  I just know it."  It seemed crazy at the time, because the horizon looked anything but great.  And yet, here we are.  I know that this journey is not over.  Healing is a process, but there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

With Love,
Kim 

Feeling the Love

On Valentine's Day I got the most amazing gift.  And I mean AH. MAZE. ING.

It came in the mail.

A check.

And in the memo section, the words:  VITAMIX.

I told you - amazing.  If you read my blog you would know how much I've been wanting to get a Vitamix.  In fact, a few weeks ago the girls and I watched the Vitamix guy at Costco for almost an hour.  We were in awe and devoured every sample.  Needless to say, it completely blew my mind when a relative that I haven't seen in years emailed me saying she wanted to give me and my family a Vitamix.  Her generosity left me speechless.  I didn't quite know how to respond, let alone receive such a gift.  In the end, I simply said thank you - sincerely and humbly - thank you.  

This post isn't so much about the Vitamix (which I LOVE and use everyday - I'm blending everything I get my hands on) it's more about learning how to receive.  Whether it comes by way of encouraging words, small acts of kindness or generous gifts, learning to receive has been one of my greatest lessons.  I lived most of my life in the "no, no, no thank you" camp - thinking it was polite and more acceptable to turn down such offers. It wasn't until I was in position where I couldn't do things for myself that I started to learn how to receive, how to open up and let others in, how to graciously say thank you.

Thank you Aunty Cathy for your incredible thoughtfulness and generosity. I can't wait to post pictures of all our fun creations (I'm still learning how to use this powerful beauty).   Hopefully one day we can cheers with a (perfectly blended) green juice.  Until then, please know that I am overflowing with thanks.

Feeling the love,
Kim 

A Valentine Anniversary

It just takes one day, one moment, to change the course of your life.  

Valentine's Day will no longer be just a day for romance, Hallmark cards, flowers and boxes of chocolate.  

It will always be a reminder.  

An anniversary.  

A pinnacle moment.

When life changed. 

When my world's axis shifted, causing a ripple effect in every crack and crevice of my being.  

The phone call.

The doctor needs you to come in right away.  

Sitting in his office.  My three year old with Valentine chocolate smudged on her face.  The baby crying, wanting to nurse.  

There are lesions on your spine.

Confusion.

I want to admit you tonight.  We have to do more tests.  

Heart racing.  

It could be anything - anything from an infection to cancer. 

Fear.  Paralyzing fear.  

You are sick.  

Can't breathe.

We packed our bags, headed to the hospital.  My husband propped up our Valentine cards next to my hospital bed.  The nurses rushed in and out, wearing red and pink scrubs covered with hearts and flying cupids.  They tried to hide their glassy eyes as they read my chart and saw the teddy bar leaned up against my breast pump. What did they know?  What did it say?   

My baby needs me.

It was surreal then.

Vivid now.  

February 14th changed the course of my life.  Fear, pain and sickness birthed fire, resilience, passion.  

And today - today I celebrate.  

Love.

Life.

New beginnings.  

Health.

But I don't forget

what brought me here

what guided me through.  

Today, I'm taking back Valentine's Day.  

Writing a new chapter.  

Believing for a different ending.  

Celebrating every breath of life.  

Thankful

thankful

thank

ful

What does this day mean to you?  

Love and Gratitude, 

Kim 

Change of Plans

It's February 10th - six weeks after what woulda coulda shoulda been a new year's reflection and resolution post.  Considering my love for contemplation, lists and goal-setting, you would think I'd be all over the whole new year's thing.  A lot of people (especially in blog world) come up with a "word for the year."  I love the idea - the whole state your theme and rock it all year long deal.

Well, six weeks ago, I was in no place to plan out a whole year let alone narrow it down to one word.  No, six weeks ago I was in one-day-at-a-time mode, faced with a failing immune system and uncertain future.  But sometimes that's all it takes - one day - for everything to change.

I spent the days leading up to 2012 thinking about my next step - because there needed to be one.  I put my quite consuming job search on the back burner and turned my energy once again to alternative treatments and solutions.  Since flying around the country looking for the best out-of-the-box thinking doctor/naturopath wasn't an option, I decided to be my own advocate.  The goals were really quite simple:  boost my immune system, manage pain naturally and reduce inflammation with the goal of decreasing and possibly eliminating my medication.  I decided to put myself on a supplement regimen.  I thought if I could just give my body all the nutrients it needed, maybe - just maybe - it could start to heal itself.  So that's what I did.  

It's has been one month.  One month of rebuilding, healing, feeling stronger - one cell at a time.  My last panel of lab results came back - all in the "normal" range.  Yeah!  I met with my rheumatologist earlier this week and explained my concerns and desire to decrease my medication.  He agreed to reduce my shots from every week to every other week.  Double yeah! I am thankful for his support; my intention is to be well, not a rebel.

The amazing part is that my quest for health has led me not only to a new treatment plan, but to a new career path (details on this to come).  For now, I'll just say that I am overwhelmed with hope and determined more than ever to thrive.

Hope and Healing,

Kim 

A Beautiful Battle

Sometimes there just aren't words.

How do you string together letters to form words, to form sentences, to form thoughts that dance between life and death?  

Literally

Death.  

Yesterday, a friend lost her 14 year long battle with cancer.  I say lost only because I know she would have chosen to stay.  Chosen to watch her daughters graduate from college, get married, have children.  She would have chosen to see more of the world, to laugh with friends, sing, dance, ring in another new year.  She would have chosen to decorate another Christmas tree, plant a new bed of flowers, celebrate another birthday - or two, or five, or fifty.

She would have chosen

Life.

But here we are.  Here I am.  Without her.

My heart is heavy as I think about her family, her friends, the people that love her that are left behind.  I let that heaviness seep in - into the crevices of my heart, mind and soul.  It makes me hug my girls a little bit harder, for a little bit longer.  It makes me stop what I'm doing and look them in the eye.  It makes me pay attention - to the sound of my breath, the tone of his voice, the light in their eyes. It makes me unafraid to chase after wild and crazy dreams because what is there to lose. It makes me want to love better and bigger.  It makes me thankful for

every

single

minute

of my life.


Let that seep in.  Then live - and love - every minute of yours.

Goodbye, friend.  I will miss you.


Love and Peace,
Kim 

Easy as a Rainbow

Maybe it's the time of year.  January:  the month of trying to hold on to new year's resolutions, a fresh slate, an opportunity to try to new things.  Whatever it is, there's been lots of talk about eating healthy.  You see it on facebook, on TV, you hear it among friends.  Often times, there's a sense of overwhelm - Where do I start?  How do I make it last?  If I could offer my humble two cents, I would say one thing:

EAT A RAINBOW.  

Yup, that's it.  That simple.  I mean sure there's more we could talk about but I think small steps ensure consistency.  And consistency brings us a whole lot closer to overall healthy living.  

Here's what we do around here.  We try to eat at least three colors per meal.  If I'm rushing to make lunch and hand my 4-year old a peanut butter sandwich with an apple, she'll say, "Mom, 2 more colors please."  Oh yeah.  So then I'll go through the fridge and find some carrots and purple grapes.  There it is - 3 colors for lunch.  We talked early on about these colors being things that we can pick or grow (with the exception of cheese).  In other words, blue tortilla chips and a watermelon fruit roll up - although yummy - don't count.  :) Green salads are anything but just green.  In fact, we try to see just how many colors we can throw into one bowl.  It's kind of like a game, but boy does it work.  And last but not least, you must employ the crunching game.  Table manners are put on hold for a second as we see who has the loudest crunch.  I still hold loudest crunch for carrots, but my little one is queen of crunching a bell pepper.  It's fun.  No more, "Eat your vegetables!! They're good for you!"  

For now, my 4-year old understands that these colorful fruits and vegetables give our bodies energy so we can play all day, run real fast, help us grow and make us happy.  As she gets older, we'll explain that these phytonutrient-rich foods are amazing antioxidants, strengthen our immune system, reduce inflammation and contribute to overall well being.  

So, instead of shocking your family with an entire plate of foreign foods they've never seen or heard of, just start slow.  Add color to your meals and simply start with the rainbow.  I also found that pre-rinsing and chopping means I'm more likely to eat everything instead of letting things get pushed to the back of the fridge only to spoil and be thrown out.  

Last summer I wrote about my favorite hummus recipe.  It's the sweet potato hummus recipe from Power Foods, but it can also be found on the Whole Living website.   It is delicious - every time.  

Normally I use regular sweet potatoes and it looks like this - just like regular hummus but a bit sweet from the sweet potatoes.  

Over the weekend, I used purple flesh Okinawan sweet potatoes and it was deeeelish.  In Hawaii, we ate Okinawan sweet potatoes all the time.  In fact, I didn't know there was any other type.  I finally found some at my local Asian food market and was so thrilled!!   Don't you just love the colors?  

And here's our rainbow salad:  spinach, greens, grape tomatoes, almonds, orange bell peppers, carrots, mushrooms.  Colorful, crunchy and so yummy.  

So instead of being overwhelmed, just slowly add some color.  You'll see how easy (and delicious) healthy eating can be.  

Peace and Rainbows, 

Kim 

Five Minute Friday - VIVID

While I may be lagging in the whole blogging department, it certainly isn't for lack of something to say.  In fact, it has been a whirlwind of events around here.  I promise to share details soon.

For now, I'm going to give you five minutes, because that's how we roll on Fridays.  I'm joining up with Gypsy Mama where we stop, drop and write for five sweet minutes.  When I saw today's prompt I couldn't resist.

Here's my five on:

VIVID

Ready?

Go.


You'd think they'd go away by now

those memories, details.

But they are vivid as ever.

The phone call.

His hand resting on my shoulder

telling me

it doesn't look good

i need to go

to the hospital

more tests

Now.

The girls staring

one with valentine chocolate on her face

the other, hungry, wanting to nurse.

head spinning

heart racing

sweating

Fear.

You'd think by now it would be a fading memory.  After all, their fears were not my fate.

And yet

the days, weeks, months

of the last year

are

V  I  V  I  D

Like it was yesterday.

But the thing is

I don't want it to fade.

Because it moves me

pushes me

makes me hungry

for health

life

love

God

more.


STOP.

Running in the Rain

There's a woman who lives in my neighborhood.

She runs.

Almost every day.  

Pushing that jogging stroller with a little one in tow.

She runs in the heat of summer, child shielded from the sun with water bottle in hand.

She runs in the cold of winter, child bundled warm and toasty enjoying the ride.

Yesterday, as I drove home, annoyed that I got soaked during the 20 feet I had to run from my car to the store, I saw her running yet again.

It. Was. Pouring.

And there she was.

Running.

The jogging stroller was decked out with one of those super deluxe water-proof coverings that you would only buy if you live (and run) in the Pacific Northwest.

As for the woman, not only was she running, she was smiling.

I'll admit, my first thought was, "she's nuts."  But then, it hit me.

She has run with the seasons.

She has adjusted.

She has embraced.

She doesn't wait for the weather to be perfect -

for sunnier days, with light winds and intermittent puffy white clouds.

She is running - with a smile on her face.

I love that.

And while I may not be joining her on her daily runs anytime soon, I will run my own race. Today, tomorrow and every day after that.  And that alone is reason enough to put a smile on my face.


Through rain and shine,
Kim

Five Minute Friday - ROAR

It's Friday - time to stop, drop and write.  I'm joining up with Gypsy Mama for five minutes of unedited, free flowing fun.  I love today's topic.  In fact, I may have to come back to it later in the week because five little minutes may not do it justice.

Let's do this!  Five minutes on....

ROAR.  

Ready?  

Go!  

My little ones are experts.  They practice all day, every day.  Even my 16 month old has got it down.  They hold their toy lions and in full character, let out a mighty rooooooooar.  I almost always laugh and they shoot me that serious look like, "Hey, what are you laughing at?  The king of the jungle is not supposed to be funny."   They are right.  

He is King 

of the jungle.  

And his roar says it all.  

This year, 2012, I am going to learn how to roar.

No whimpering, whispering, talking under my breath.  

Roar in the face of 

disease

pain

fear of the future

the unknown.  

Roar with 

passion

conviction

love

tenacity.  

Roar.  

Because life is not small.  I will not hide until it's safe to come out.  

I will not be silent.  

Cannot be 

silent.  

I will join my little ones

and together we will

ROAR!

STOP.  

to be continued...

Birthday Love

It never fails.  On the eve of your birthday I always cry.  It's not a sad cry.  It's a I'm-so-happy-to-be-your-mommy/I-can't-believe-my-baby-is-another-year-older kind of cry. 

You amaze me.  

You are smart and hilarious and witty and compassionate all at once.  

Insightful beyond your years, you teach me life's most important lessons.  

Funny, without even trying, you make my belly hurt from laughing. 

My joy overflows - every. single. day.  

Because of you. 

You 

are a precious gift, 

 

a world-changer, a peace-maker, a bridge-builder.  

Your kind words and sincere heart

make people smile

everyday.  

What a gift you are.    

I am so thankful to be your mommy.    

May this year be filled with incredible adventures, laughter and love.  

Loving you to the moon and back...

Mommy