Oh, the irony of it all. Since my last post, my pain has been the worst it has been in weeks. Difficulty sitting straight or breathing deeply, pain and tenderness along my spine, stiffness throughout my body. It's frustrating, because it seems like you should feel a certain way when the numbers say you're "doing better". Still, I meant every word of what I said and continue to believe that healing is in progress. I have to.
Even as I sit here to type, I am conscious of my posture and the effort it takes to sit completely erect. I breathe deeply and intentionally, feeling the pull along my rib cage. I take a break every few minutes as my hands begin to stiffen. I watch, almost at a distance, as my body and mind adjusts to accommodate my new normal. I am aware, incredibly aware, of everything. Somehow, this awareness makes me feel more connected, more compassionate, and strangely, more resilient than ever. Yes, the irony of it all. At times when we should be at our weakest, somehow there is strength.