A Familiar Face

Yesterday my family and I went to a birthday party. As soon as we arrived I saw someone who looked oddly familiar.  I couldn't place him at first.  He said hello and shook my hand.  The sound of his voice alone made my mind race and emotions swell.  Who was he?  How did I know him?  He was out of place.  Out of context.  Until I heard his name.

It was my neurosurgeon.  The doctor who stood at the side of my hospital bed explaining my options, the procedures.  The one who nodded silently as I cried.  He left a mark - a two inch scar on my back where he removed lesions from my spine.  I haven't seen him since.

Thank you, God.

Needless to say, hearing his voice and seeing his face brought back a lot of memories.  He remembered my husband and me and asked how I was doing.  I got a little choked up when I looked him in the eye and responded, "I'm doing great."  Because really, I am.  Seeing him reminded me how thankful I am for that.  A part of me wanted to sit him down and re-live bits and pieces of the last twenty months.  I wanted to bring back to life the pain, the fear and the uncertainty.  I wanted to walk him through the journey that followed - the seeking, the fighting, the believing, the healing.  But instead, I smiled, took a deep breath and nodded my head.  Somehow I think he understood.

All I know is that I wanted to get home and write.  I wanted to see the words - black and write, running across the page.  I wanted to come back to where it all started.  I wanted, needed, to write.

Because hope cannot be contained.  Should not be contained.

So let me say this.  I am not doing well on accident.  I didn't get lucky.   I made changes to every part of my life.  I learned to be weak, to be strong. I fought for my future, my faith, my family.  I read everything I could get my hands on.  I juiced.  I fasted.  I believed. I made tough decisions. I surrounded myself with amazing people.  I prayed - for purpose.  I chose joy.  I gave thanks.

I don't forget the nights I poured over my keyboard with tears in my eyes or the days I was angry and frustrated and in pain.  But for now, I am reminded how far we have come and for that, I am thankful.



With love, 
Kim